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The Day I Found Out I Had Breast Cancer
- Jennie Huber Charlton
- Mar 27, 2021
- 8 min read
Updated: Oct 15, 2023
I remember it vividly, the night of December 29th 2020…
I was watching TV with my hands above my head. It was just weird, because I never sit like that and just the position of my arms made me think to do a breast exam, so I did one… and there it was… holy crap.
Is that a lump?
So I felt the other… went back and forth what felt like a million times comparing…. It was for sure something… it was big and parts were hard and parts were less hard…. Weird… but it was something…
From that moment on, things just haven’t been the same.
I called my doc first thing the next morning after all night fighting with myself to not freak out until there’s a reason to. Much easier said than done…
They were able to see me the very next day (I couldn’t believe how fast they got me in).
So I went and she said that it could be benign and that it likely was, but of course ordered a Mammogram and Ultrasound to be sure. I again tried to table my inner freakout until we learned more.
….I’ve been through some of this before with skin spots and even had a benign lump in my thyroid (so we removed 1/2 of my thyroid) … which lead to my transition to a more non-toxic lifestyle… So I understand that it’s all precautionary, but it’s still not always easy to manage staying out of the rabbit hole.
The day of the Mammogram/Ultrasound the Dr. read the results right away.
I was still on the table with the gown on from the Ultrasound and the Doctor came in to talk to me. She said that the mass looked solid so she couldn’t tell what was inside… so a biopsy was next and we’ll go from there.
She kept the info super high level but I wasn’t loving the vibe.
I dug a little deeper on what she thought was going on.
She said she was “concerned” because we couldn’t see inside of it….
Her exact word. “Concerned.”
I hated it.
I still tried to make light of it, telling myself it’s not worth worrying until I’m given a reason to worry.
For better or worse, I’m more a logical brain than an emotional brain… so it helped a little, but that battle in my head got harder and harder.
Couple days later, I was in for the biopsy…. and then we wait……
Unedited from my Journal: The day I found out I had cancer:
So today I had my appointment to go over the results of the biopsy and I feel like I could feel the oncologist’s ora right when she walked in the room. ‘We did find cancer cells’ she tells me and my husband almost immediately…. Everyone kept saying, it’s nothing, it’s routine and don’t worry…. And I didn’t worry per se, but something in my gut always told me already it wasn’t ‘nothing’ …
In my gut, I knew from day one that it was going to be cancer. The size and how it felt, it just wasn’t right….
I don’t really remember any of the specific conversation that came directly after that….
Just blurbs of ‘cancer’ and ‘surgery’ and ‘treatment’ and ‘daily medication’ …
These are hard words to digest even tho I was hoping for nothing but really only prepared for ‘surgery and treatment’ but not really ‘cancer’…
I mean, let’s face it… I think we all just kind of hope and pray we never have to hear that word out of a doctor’s mouth talking to a family member or YOU. We all know breast cancer is more common than most likely give it credit for, which is good bc of research and health advances, etc… but it’s definitely not a ‘club’ I ever wanted to be a part of, especially in my thirties, with 2 young kids.
So what we do know at this point is that I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma …. Cancer that hangs inside and outside of the cell that’s in a duct in my breast…. It’s the most common type of breast cancer so it’s had the most research. These are all good things, I keep telling myself…. And do the doctors…. “Things have changed so much just in the last 5 years even” when it comes to breast cancer and just made things seems like it’s a ‘blip’ in my journey vs. being overly significant. I want to believe them, but I question are they saying things to lighten the blow? My mass is about the size of a ping pong ball…. Is that big, is that small? But I guess the important thing is we found it early enough. What I don’t know yet is if it feeds on Hormones…. That’s the million dollar question apparently. I’m praying not, because that seems more significant in terms of treatment and more than a ‘blip’ that they keep talking about….
But what I didn’t know is that if it’s not fed by hormones it’s super aggressive and there’s no way to know what caused the cancer (if not genetic, then it’s environmental.. Meaning external toxins).
The kicker??? I’ll know more when I meet with the surgeon in a few days….. I’ll also know when I’ll have surgery and what kind of surgery…. So let’s just say I’m anxious to learn more and hopefully that will give me enough information to really process this whole sitch.
Because of I’m more logical minded, the more info and detail (good or bad) the more I’m able to actually process.
So day one with confirmation that I HAVE CANCER is just wonky and surreal…. I’ve heard all the words, taken the next steps, told my closest friends and family and ultimately anxiously awaiting when it’s all going to hit me…. Like legitimately hit me where I’m actually able to process. As weird as it seems, I’ve been saying it a lot out loud. I have Breast Cancer. It’s breast cancer…. Breast cancer…… WTF.
Looking back I was surprised with how much they couldn’t tell me about the cancer and what the plan was, etc. etc…. Which led me to a little bit of false hope… I feel like they down played it as to help digest, but that took me down a path that was a little misleading…. that maybe it would be surgery and some radiation… and boom, it’s gone and we monitor…. Maybe that’s most cases and just not mine (hopefully for others that is the case), but this put me on a little bit more of a rollercoaster of emotions.
Unedited from my Journal: The day I met with the surgeon and oncologist:
So today was a LOADED day.
I had my consultation with the surgeon who I loved AND my new oncologist (which that is another surreal thing to write, and think about and to say out loud). We found out my cancer is not fed by hormones which I’m taking as a good thing that I won’t have to be on hormone blockers for the rest of my life HOWEVER because it’s not caused by hormones we don’t know much about the tumor itself….. I prayed hard that it wasn’t hormone fed and I mean HARD — again that false hope of just surgery and radiation —- not knowing that for me that would mean extensive and aggressive treatments with Chemo, radiation and surgeries (plural). So here we are… another c word I hoped I’d not never hear…. Chemo.
Wow…. And it begins… we’re a level or a million deeper into the new reality… MY new reality. It’s still early stages—clinically stage 2—and they tell me I will beat this and it will be a speed bump in my life journey. But chemo is scary…the side effects are scary…. Not knowing how my body will respond is scary…. And sooooo many questions…..The hope is that the cancer will respond to the chemo and shrink…. And then we can better determine what to do with surgery (lumpectomy or mastectomy). The chemo gives us more insight or data into the tumor itself to see how proactive or aggressive we need to be with surgery in how it responds to the chemo.
Fun facts and random thoughts:
Hair: I will lose my hair, without question. My hair that I’ve worked so hard to grow out and finally learned how to curl and give myself ‘mermaid’ hair…. It will be wild to no longer have it and will miss Dexter twirling my hair.
Surgery: Also…. never had to think/know about it….. but imma have a port for the chemo…. Under my skin…. This little button thing… ewwww. It will for sure be much better than getting an IV for all the blood tests and treatments but super weird… and didn’t know it was a thing until now.Things are happening so fast which is a good thing…. But really the port goes in as soon as the surgeon is open and chemo will start ASAP after.
Work: What the heck do I do with work…. How am I going to feel…am I going to be able to work….I want to work but need to keep stress low….This is all way more heavy much quicker than I expected to be having this convo with them. Whatever it is I’m super lucky to work with a great company and I know they will be able to be flexible to help from there end to support me through this.
Back to Hair: So Tomorrow’s task is to think hard about my hair…. And when I should plan to cut it… I want to transition it and also need to research how to approach the change with the kids… so stay tuned for that…
So of course now at this point all I can do is remind you how important wellcare is, proactive healthcare and knowing what you’re putting in and on your body to keep it nourished and healthy truly is.
If you’ve been following me, you know I have made some significant life changes (all over time) to reduce toxins in my home for my family…. (let’s face it, for my kids because as moms it’s never us first… but my husband and I, at first, were reaping the benefits of it too).
We saw such great results with reducing toxins in the products we use in the home that 2021 was about cleaning up diet and solidifying foundational health.
My husband had signed up for Noom (I’m not affiliated) and I had been starting a new morning routine and more consistent balanced diet/nutrition and supplementation. Doing what I know was the next logical step (which I’m glad was already in the mindset for) in reducing toxins… external toxins from food/diet.
Now with this new news, I’m so devastated that I’ll no longer be able to approach what I thought my 2021 journey was going to be with 100% preventative mindset and now and forever it will be a more serious level of keeping my body healthy, nourishing my cells, keeping stress and emotional trauma out of my head and to always now be fighting against cancer on a different level….
That’s the heaviest part of it all.
Cancer has found a door and I will have to work even harder to keep that mf-ing door shut… and locked. The silver lining is that I have the best team of doctors supporting me as well as my oil family (and obviously my friends and family), but with already knowing how powerful integrated medicine can be with the highest quality essential oils that I’m ahead of the game on this fight I’m taking on…
For the rest of my life….
And hopefully this will be just a “speed bump” in my journey that will be a significant part of my life but not a detriment to it. I won’t let it define me.
So today, even with Cancer, I’m still Jennie… helping busy, chemically conscious moms find the wellness balance for their families… and now also… showing others like me how to incorporate the highest quality essential oils as integrative medicine to help in their fight against cancer.
I also hope that sharing my cancer journey helps others like me cope with the news, find alternative ways to support your body or just find comfort that you’re not alone.
If you want to keep up with my journey, please follow me on social and subscribe to my blog.
Lastly, if you’ve gotten this far, thank you so much for reading. You are the reason I do this, each and every one of you.
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